I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
