He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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