Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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