I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
NoShamevember. You game?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
