So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
