i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
