I think im going to throw up on grandma
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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