Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
