I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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