I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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