I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
