the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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