I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
