So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
