Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
