whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
