it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
