She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
