i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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