marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
