mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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