they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
