The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
