I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
