hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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