he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
