I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
pray to the hookup gods
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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