and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
