she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
