when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
