Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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