Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
