And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
