This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
