One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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