She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
