The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
