whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
