my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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