Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
