End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
