my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
