Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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