We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
