hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
