He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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