just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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