Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
