In the future we'll all be gay
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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