She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
