You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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