Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
